Re: Where did my friends go?
I was interested to see this post: Where did my friends go? I've been having similar thoughts.
For a while I thought something was wrong with me in particular. I do actually know a fair number of men through my wife's social network. Some of my friends I know digitally-only, and some I talk to more directly. Having spent some time observing, it feels like a lot of men are in similar situations. In my wife's book clubs, most of the husbands are lonely and don't have anyone to socialize with. For some of the people who are digital-only friends (really, just Steam) I have no kept up with them. But, these are quite extroverted people playing 80-200 hours of video games a week while also being employed full-time. So although I cannot be sure, they seem like they are not living full social lives. Of the few I talk to, there is a similar loneliness.
So, to Rocket Capsule, I don't think I have any real answers, but I do have maybe a few useful observations.
You're not alone.
This is pretty common from what I can tell. To me if feels gendered, however for sure there are lonely women, and I'm certainly not intending to exclude them. Loneliness is awful. I'm not sure what has made this so common, but there are some obvious contributing factors: some people never recovered socially post-COVID. The internet in general isolates us more than we realize. It's not just you. Your friends or acquaintances are not bored nearly as often. They're not starved for attention in the way that someone might be in the 1990s. This isn't about you, either. Their other friends and acquaintances are getting less attention as well.
There seems to be a gendered aspect to this as well. I'm not sure what to say here. To me this is self-evidently true, but I don't think I could muster any facts or arguments that could convince anyone who was skeptical of this point.
You're not creepy
At least not based on your description of yourself. I do wonder where you, and many, many other men picked up the idea that it would be risky to "to be social without appearing like the creepy old guy?" Why would you be creepy by just being yourself and going out in public? Who gave you this idea? I can't answer for you, but I have inadvertently picked up the same idea, and I think many other men have as well.
I'm not sure what the solution is, but it starts with killing this sort of framng. If you're not actually stalking people down, then you're not the creepy one. Perhaps the person judging you is at fault. Are you creepy just for an introduction and friendly smile? No. A person who punishes a friendly smile may be cruel, though.
Kids are a real time-sink
I've got two young kids and I've never been busier or more distracted in my life. I'm positive you friends just don't have the same mental time and attention for you that they once did. That doesn't mean they don't miss you. You should keep trying to reach out. I'm sure some of this won't work, but you may regret just letting a friendship fade away.
If your friends with families really do care about you, but are just crushed for free time, there could be ways to spend time with them that incorporates their whole family. It might not be as fun. Frankly, it's not. But the connections in your life can be more important than your immediate comfort.
I definitely don't have all the answers.
I hope I haven't come off poorly, or sanctimonious, or anything else negative. When I saw your post I felt like I could have written it. Despite my advice, I have not managed to mend my loneliness either.
If my response offends you, I apologize in advance. I didn't mean it to be offensive, and however you feel about my post I hope you find a solution to your loneliness.