Working feels a bit like reality TV
learning about reality TV
When I first heard of reality TV, I was probably 14 or so. I had just been on some hiking trips, and had camping and things, and survivor either had just come out or was about to come out. Someone described the show to me in pretty vague terms. They said something like "It's a show where a group of people are dropped on an island and need to learn how to survive." I remember my first impression relatively clearly: this would be a really exciting show because when people are taken out of their usual context and put in an adverse situation they form very close bonds. I figured we'd see really intimate friendships form; normal social barriers break down. We'd see human ingenuity; the best that man had to offer.
As you can imagine, I was very disappointed when I found out what the show was actually like. The producers, presumably because they hate peace, love and fellowship did everything they could to contrive a situation where everyone would be at each other's throats. It was incredibly disappointing, and it was a disappointment I've never forgotten. They could have made something really beautiful, but they actively chose not to.
Years later, I ended up watching a bit of Fear Factor in college. It was what was on the TV and my friends were watching. This gave me a similar feeling of revulsion. You take a bunch of people, a very very unpleasant or difficult situation, and turn it into a cutthroat competition. You could have done otherwise. What really struck me negatively about Fear Factor was just how awful the situations were; why would you do everything in your power to make people compete in such a nasty, cut-throat way? Why would a contestant take the scenario seriously? There were answers to that question; there was a lot of prize money, they were on TV, etc. But it just felt awful to watch. I would imagine being a contestant and just walking away. Who would willingly participate in something like that? I couldn't understand why people would want to be on the show, or why they'd want to watch the show.
working
Working in an office feels kind of similar, except; the rewards are better, (regular pay + health care easily beats a one-time payout.) the circumstances are not nearly as dire, and it's not voluntary. Other than that it feels pretty similar:
a contrived situation (ie, some company which has a product which ultimately does not matter whatsoever)
needless competition (ie, basic human nature + the structure of a workplace)
I fantasize about being able to just walk away from it all
much of what you need to do at work feels artificial and performative
That last bullet drives me nuts. A lot of my day is reminding myself how I should respond to situations and making sure I don't respond naturally. I've done this so much that I feel like I've lost myself. I might as well have a camera crew on me, since I can't ever really let the mask down. It's obviously much less high stakes than reality TV. It's much more mundane. But it's constant. I need to tell myself things like "you need to be nice to this employee because everyone else likes him" or "you need to praise this product because generally everyone else likes it" or even more banal stuff "express this thought with enthusiasm" or "don't point out problems in the plan, just express enthusiasm."
All of those things are incredibly important to people. I have some intellectual understanding as to why that is, but emotionally I'll never "get it." It feels like these sorts of thoughts either come more naturally to everyone else, or at least they don't weigh so heavy on everyone else. It makes me think that the 1970s liberals were wrong all along: Being a free thinker is a burden. Being a free thinker is often just annoying to other people. Being a free thinker doesn't do much of anything to guarantee you have better ideas; only that your ideas don't come laterally from other people.
It's not as if you cannot speak your mind or rock the boat. People don't even respond that badly to it. But you cannot be blind to the boundaries. You must rock the boat strategically. You must be very careful about when you challenge your bosses' ideas, or when you criticize popular employee. You can actually get away with quite a lot, but you must always be aware of the implicit rules and values of those around you. You can break rules and boundaries, but only at the right time. In other words, it's not as if you're a slave. It's that you cannot ever just lay back and rely on your intuition. You must always think carefully about when to follow the rules and when to break them. Perhaps it is best that you do not express your innermost thoughts even when you are alone.
no way out
The final trick is that reality TV is closer to reality than I or others thought: People are performative, and competitive. There is always a surface and a hidden explanation for people's behavior. Some people never want to move past the surface. They both hate and love these systems. They don't really want a system without competition, they just want to rate higher in the rankings. Very few people seem to avoid the competition altogether.